​I’ve recently been working with an organization where the CEO has a very demanding Board full of Fortune 100 CEOs. They regularly grill him and treat him in a condescending manner. This is certainly a challenge for any individual, but this CEO then compounds it when he returns to the office. When he works with his staff, the then “kicks the dog”. He vents all his frustrations from his poor treatment from his Board onto his staff. He is demanding, condescending, dismissive, and regularly humiliates the staff. One of his vice-presidents, with whom I have been working closely, in turn, shares his frustration with me. This vice-president is, in fact, extremely loyal to the CEO, and feels betrayed by the CEO’s treatment of him and the other staff members. 
 
What could be different about this situation?
 

1. The first and most difficult step for the CEO would be to reflect back to the Board their treatment of him, the way it demeans him, and the stresses it is putting on his staff (without necessarily disclosing how he treats his staff). 
2. The CEO’s conversation with the Board in point 1 may or may not be very effective. The Board may not, in fact, change its treatment of him at all. But there is an option that the CEO can put into place immediately. He can shift how he treats his staff. Rather than “kicking the dog”, the CEO can serve as a buffer between the Board and the staff. He could, in fact, say to his staff, “The Board is extremely difficult on me and I often feel demeaned. Try as I might, I will probably transfer some of that stress to you. I want to empower you to let me know when that is happening so that I can avoid doing it.” The CEO could even invite senior staff to help him think about how he can best relate to the Board and for creative ideas about how to not let his stress transfer to the staff.
3. The staff also has options. They can engage with the CEO and tell him how his treatment of them impacts them, their well-being, and ultimately their productivity. If he is not responsive (let’s say he has not been), they have yet another option, which several have begun to exercise. They could decide that they do not need to be the dog that the CEO is kicking. 

 
This little vignette illustrates two very important points. The first is that no matter how poorly you are being treated as an induvial (e.g., the CEO), you do not have to in turn treat others poorly. In fact, many times there are those around you (e.g., the staff) who want to help you. The second point, which is even more powerful, is that any individual in any situation has the opportunity to be a creator, as my friend David Emerald so elegantly describes. David describes the role of a creator as someone who always has options to shape their experience and their life. So we all have a choice. Do we “kick the dog” or become a creator?

This is super helpful!  Look for these in yourself.  And to better understand others at work.  And, um, this week with others at Thanksgiving (might lower stress levels!)
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https://medium.com/the-mission/6-biases-holding-you-back-from-rational-thinking-f2eddd35fd0f